Seize the Now

An 82-Year-Old Former Pastor Finds Purpose Through Presence & Travel

In the 1989 film “Dead Poets Society,” actor Robin Williams, as English teacher Mr. Keating, urges his students to “carpe diem” as they examine photographs of the young men who preceded them at a New England boarding school. Seizing the day is of the utmost importance since one day these boys, like the ones in the pictures, will become food for worms. It is a sentiment we should all be reminded of periodically.

The ability to be present in the moment is something Peter Tremain, 82, has tried to do throughout his life. That task can feel pretty easy when he is adventuring across continents and seeing awe-inspiring beauty, which he has done as a solo traveler for the past 15 or so years. But being present has also been heartbreaking when he worked 70 hours a week as a Lutheran pastor while his late wife, Mary Ann, struggled with Parkinson’s disease and Lewy body dementia.

Originally, Peter thought he might want to be a farmer when he was a boy in Illinois, but eventually he decided ministry was his path, in part because his oldest brother — 14 years his senior — was a minister in Wisconsin. Peter had a feel for what the profession entailed. He recognized there were some drawbacks to the career.

“I was terrified of talking in front of people, and I knew that pastors didn’t make any money,” he says.

But he saw some positives, too. In addition to having a flexible schedule and having music be part of his life, he thought, “If I become a pastor, God has got to like me.”

After his first year of college, he met and began dating Mary Ann Mizel, and they married in 1965. Together they started a family, and Peter began his long career as a pastor, largely in various Kansas cities, but also in Oklahoma. When their children were in high school, Mary Ann began experiencing symptoms that were eventually diagnosed as Parkinson’s disease. Her condition worsened, but Peter still had almost a decade until he could retire. For eight years, female members of their church congregation volunteered in two- to three-hour shifts, seven days a week, to provide caregiving for Mary Ann so Peter could continue his pastoral caregiving for the church.

When Peter retired from ministry in 2008, he began two new journeys: one as primary caregiver for his wife and the other as a writer. Every evening, once he got Mary Ann settled in bed, he wrote a blog post on his site, thecaregivercalling.com, an effort that was therapeutic for him as well as comforting for other caregivers who read his words.

Two years later, when Mary Ann died, Peter was left largely unmoored. They had been married for nearly 45 years, and he had been completely immersed in his caregiving role. What would he do with himself now?

What he did was venture to Australia and New Zealand. Peter had been inspired by a congregation member who had posted photos of a visit to the region, but he was going mostly to escape.

“I couldn’t imagine my life without Mary Ann,” he says.

A big adventure gave his mind something to do besides wallow in grief, which is really all he felt like doing. A trip across the world would give him a sense of purpose he had lost when Mary Ann died.

“It was my attempt at finding an identity,” he says.

Since that time, travel has continued to be a life-sustaining part of who Peter is, as well as an inspiration for others who follow his journeys and consider what their post-retirement lives could be. Since 2011, he says, “I have traveled to 30 different countries and have visited 16 of them more than once.”

When he leaves the U.S. to travel, he is gone anywhere from two to five months at a time. His home base in the U.S. is now with his daughter and son-in-law in Middletown.

Peter’s experience as a pastor has come in handy in his travels.

“I spent my career tuning in to the nonverbals — body language, facial expressions and tone of voice — so that I could understand what people were feeling,” he says. “I learned how to help people feel safe and secure talking with me. As a result, I was able to make connections quickly.”

Peter has met countless people during his travels and has become close enough friends with some of them to stay in their homes when he visits.

Many people travel in retirement, but not everyone is a solo traveler who isn’t part of a group. Being literally “on his own” has been an important learning experience. He says he has learned to be less apprehensive. If he goes the wrong way on a train or gets off at the wrong bus stop, he has learned that he will figure it out.

His idea to write a book about his travels — the first of which was published in 2025 and is titled “The Destination Is Now: New Zealand and Australia” — began shortly after that initial trip, but it took many years to come to fruition. He connected with Walt Wangerin, a professor at Valparaiso University and prolific writer, who mentored him briefly, but it wasn’t until Peter joined a writer’s workshop while living in Missouri that the bug to write for publication truly bit him.

“From the moment I walked in and was greeted warmly by the leader, poet Jen Harris, also known as Frances Story, I felt as if I had found my people,” he says.

Harris later became his writing coach and editor.

As a pastor, Peter did his fair share of sermon writing, but the content shifted when he began composing his caregiver blogs. It changed again as he began writing his memoir. Peter continues sharing his writing on his Substack, also called “The Destination Is Now,” and another book is likely in the future.

While the topics Peter writes about change depending on where he is in the world, who he is with and what he is doing, some themes have remained constant throughout his life.

“I wrote in a way that intended to bring people with me into each moment I was writing about,” he says. “The moment we are in — the present — is the essence of life.”

He reflects on the trajectories of his life and says, “I was fully present in the moment as a kid playing in the swamp, fully present in the moment when singing in choirs, fully present when interacting with parishioners immersed in their lives at important times, fully present each moment of each day when taking care of Mary Ann, and now I try to be 100% engaged with the people I meet in my travels.”