Writer / TJ McGovern, MPA
Picture a couple in Fishers at their kitchen table in December. Between them sits a stack of envelopes: the school foundation, the church, his alma mater, two causes a friend asked them to support, and a reminder about the gala they bought a table for back in the spring.
They’re generous people. They have been for thirty years. But tonight one of them finally says what they’ve both been thinking: “Are we actually making a difference? Or are we just paying the bills of whoever asked last?”
I’ve sat at a lot of kitchen tables like that one. If you’ve ever felt that way, I want you to hear this: you’re not doing philanthropy wrong. You’re doing what almost everyone does. You’re giving without a plan. And there’s a better way that hardly anyone talks about.
GIVING HAS GOTTEN HARDER
Fewer of us give than we used to. In 2000, about two out of three American households gave to charity. By 2020, it was fewer than half. That’s nearly a third of giving households, gone in twenty years.
Even families with real means are pulling back. A Bank of America study with Indiana University’s Lilly Family School of Philanthropy found that the share of wealthy households who give dropped from 91% to 81% in less than a decade. The most common reason people gave for stopping? Taking care of their own families.
I understand that completely. These aren’t people who stopped caring. They’re people pulled in two directions. They worry about the kids, aging parents and retirement, and they still want their lives to stand for something bigger than themselves. Without a plan, that tug-of-war usually ends the same way. Giving gets smaller, more scattered and more reactive.
Here’s what strikes me. Indiana is home to the world’s first school dedicated to philanthropy. We know a thing or two about generosity here. We just don’t always have help putting it to work.
THE ADVISOR MOST FAMILIES NEVER MEET
Think about the people who help you with your money. You probably have a financial advisor, an accountant, maybe an estate attorney. Each one is essential.
Now think about the last time any of them sat with you for an hour and asked what you care about. Not what’s tax-smart. What matters to you.
For most families, that conversation never happens. If giving comes up at all, it gets squeezed into the last few minutes of a meeting about something else. People end up giving less than they could, to causes that don’t quite fit, and later wish they’d done it differently.
That’s the gap a philanthropic advisor fills. And let me be clear about what I don’t do: I don’t tell anyone where to give. Nearly thirty years in this work has taught me never to make giving decisions for donors. My job is to help you see clearly enough to decide for yourself, and to give with joy instead of guilt.
Let me give you an example. I worked with a family who had set aside a significant sum in a donor-advised fund. The money was ready, but it mostly sat untouched. They hadn’t found a charity they felt was worthy of it. They weren’t stingy. They were careful.
So we didn’t start with organizations. We started with them. I spent a lot of time with that family, listening to what moved them, what they’d lived through and what they hoped their giving would say about who they are. Only then did I go looking. I found three charities that fit what they hoped to accomplish. I brought them the options, and the choice was theirs. Their fund finally had somewhere worthy to go.
WHAT THE WORK ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE
It starts with you, not with a check. We talk about why you give, and you’ll probably say some things out loud you’ve never put into words, even with each other. We narrow a dozen good causes down to the two or three you really want to move. And we talk about what you can offer besides money, because your time, your skills and the people you know often matter just as much.
We bring the family in. When your children and grandchildren are part of the conversation, generosity becomes something your family is, not just something it does in December.
Then we get practical. We set a giving budget you’re comfortable with. I work alongside your financial team on the right tools, whether that’s a donor-advised fund, an IRA charitable distribution, a bequest or a foundation. We check in on how it’s going, and we revisit the plan every few years as life changes.
What you end up with is a giving plan that’s truly yours. The next time that stack of envelopes shows up, the kitchen-table guilt is gone. You’ll know your answer: yes, not now, or no thank you.
A WORD TO ADVISORS AND NONPROFIT LEADERS
If you’re a wealth advisor, CPA or estate attorney, I’d love to know you. Your clients are wrestling with these questions whether they say so or not. Helping them answer well deepens your relationship, and often carries it into the next generation. You don’t have to become a philanthropy expert. I work alongside your team, never in place of it.
If you lead a nonprofit, here’s something worth knowing. A donor with a plan isn’t harder to raise money from. They’re a better partner. They know why they’re giving to you, they stay longer and they engage more deeply.
LET’S START WITH A CONVERSATION
The families I admire most aren’t the ones who give the most. They’re the ones who know exactly why they give, and whose kids know it too.
You already have a team to grow your wealth and protect it. You deserve someone to help you give it with purpose.
If that couple at the kitchen table sounds like you, or like someone you serve, I’d like to offer you a complimentary giving conversation. There’s no pitch and no obligation. You’ll walk away with a clearer picture of what you care about most and what your generosity could do. You can schedule yours at mcgimpact.com.
For almost thirty years, my work has come down to one shift: from hoping donors give to giving donors hope. It starts with a conversation. I hope ours does too.
TJ McGovern, MPA, is the Founder and President of McGovern Consulting Group, based in Fishers. For nearly thirty years he has worked alongside nonprofit leaders and philanthropic families to make generosity more purposeful and more lasting.
Want assistance? Schedule a complimentary giving conversation with TJ McGovern 317-294-8206 or tj@mcgimpact.com.
